over achiever, I am.

Today is day nine of our first cycle, and two days ago I went in for my ultrasound and I had six eggies hovering around the same size..So, Dr. B had to drop my dose of follitism from 75u to 50u and I had to come back in this morning to see how they were doing, because he said six was too many little eggies, and he might need to go in and take a few out because his goal for the cycle was only two to three eggies. I have four right now, and he is moving up my trigger. Tonight is my last dose of follitism 50u and I go back tomorrow morning for the looksie and possibly my trigger, he told me to bring my hcg with me, so I’m guessing that’s because he wants to do it while I’m there, or something? I don’t know. He said that we could go ahead with the cycle if I was prepared for the chance of multiples, which we have been preparing for this whole time, so we’re okay.

I was really not looking forward to being put to sleep and them taking out some of my eggies, but I also didn’t want eight babies haha! I’m glad that they are behaving and now we only have four front runners. I’m nervous about going in tomorrow because what if another little eggie gets too confident…

We purchased our ovulation kit tester this morning and I had to pee on my first stick, I had a faint line, but it has to be the same or darker, so we’re good. He wants us to do that last injection so I don’t even really see the point…but oh well..we test again, and tonight, then first thing tomorrow. We go back at 8:15, and then I think either Sunday or Monday for the big shebang! I’m so excited, and nervous, and terrified…..

But here’s to being an overachiever and making four little eggies, I think that makes my 33% chance of this working increase just a smidge right? Can I remark on how RIDICULOUS it is that it’s only 33%? But, damned if I won’t feel totally wicked and definitely an overachiever if we make a baby on 33% ūüėČ

Praying, and hoping, xo, B

& the first cycle begins.

Yesterday afternoon (just 15 minutes before my doctor’s office closed) Aunt flow made her appearance. I hurried out and called them up, and they had me come in at 0700 this morning.

What an interesting way to start the day, feet up in stirrups and a student glaring at me because I was on my phone (trying to keep my mind off the fact that a dude (dr or no) was fumbling around down there with a funky wand all up in my business). And then getting prodded with a needle, all before I normally leave the house in the morning.

We got the go ahead to start tonight, 75u of follistim and then we go back on Sunday morning, which is SUPER great because we’re going to be in ATL on Saturday for a wedding. So, at this point we’re going to stay and then wake up at 3am and drive back and then go to the doctor’s office. It’s a crap ton of driving in less than 24 hours, but we have to do what we have to do.

In other news, we bought tickets to the Superfest in June which should be lots of fun if my husband can go. Which he better be able to, I’ll kick his bum if we can’t go!¬† Also, can I say my wisdom teeth are killing me and I can’t take anything with ibuprofen in it because it could cause me to ovulate (which whaaaaatttt?) and I feel like I’m dying and because it hurts, I have a headache. I want to go home, and take some tylenol and lay down & not move for like three hours.

That’s all the news for now, I’m excited about starting our injections, nervous about the side effects…but I’m ready to start, definitely. Here’s to praying for success.

Xo,B

Waiting for Aunt Flow

Waiting and hoping for something that you have hoped, prayed, & wished away what seems like a million times is such an odd feeling. I’m so unsure of what exactly I should be feeling, but at this point, I don’t think I’ve ever prayed for a period so hard. I want it to come today, tomorrow, or hell even the next day. I’m so worried that it’s going to come late (for absolutely no reason) and ruin this whole cycle, and then I will be twiddling my thumbs until the end of June. And I don’t want that to be the case. I want to start this cycle, so bad. I want this cycle to work, even more than I want my period to come. I know that there is going to be seventeen days of torture, and that’s after the injections. That seventeen days after our IUI are going to be the hardest days, and I can’t imagine what it’s going to feel like. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with myself in the meantime, but I’m going to have to figure something out because I will drive myself insane with long days of nothing.

In other news, I got my wisdom teeth out on Wednesday. Which hello chipmunk cheeks for two days! My boss has now come to call me chipmunk, because my¬† traitorous;) bff at work decided she needed to show him my pathetic swollenness covered in an icepack! (I’ll never let her forget this.) I’m no longer swollen, but still on the semi soft food diet. I don’t follow up post op until early wednesday morning and hopefully I’ll get the all clear then because I’m dying for a calazone or a steak or a cheeseburger. Honestly, I have an entire list of things I’m dying for. But, I really just want to go back to yoga, and running. although neither sound very fun at this point, but I want to get as much yoga in as I can before I get pregnant (I do the hot yoga, it’s not really meant for the little babes in the belly). But, I feel like a lard since I’ve basically been eating nothing but junk food, and I have no motivation, which is not a good combination. I need to get on it, really, but at the same time I want to curl up in a ball on my couch and never set foot in my yoga studio or lace up those running shoes again….I feel guilty just writing that, which may be a good sign.

Work has been torture. It’s been a mess of chaos and complaints. Everything seems to be changing, and it doesn’t look like it’s for the better. I think the hardest part, is the negativity. It’s so hard to want to come to a place where no one really wants to be there.

I’m so happy that it’s almost time to clock out, and meet my other half at home, go to the grocery store, and then snuggle up on the couch with him and just breathe. It’s my favorite part of the day.

Xo, B

Oh, p.s. is it time for injections yet?….

Nine days post op..and back to waiting?

Here we are nine days after surgery, which let me tell you, kicked my butt a lot more than I anticipated. It wasn’t horrible, I mean walking like an 80 year old woman, that’s just preparation for the future, but the gas pains settling in my chest making it impossible to eat or drink or stay hydrated? Yeah, those were not fun. I’m still fighting with them, although I can tell we are almost through. The actual surgery part went well, they did have to remove a cyst on my ovary and they found some mild endometriosis, but he said it was minor and that it wouldn’t be a problem moving forward.

*warning, rant ahead…..

So, fast forward a week, and I’m sitting in the doctors office for my post op appointment, he comes in looks at my incision, says any problems, doing okay? and I say yes, because I was answering the last question, and then he hightails it out of there and I’m like what just happened? We go into his office and he tells me everything about the surgery and the findings (which he’d went over with my husband and my mom the day of) and then tells me we’re clear to start on my next cycle day, and asks me if I want to watch the administration video. I say yes, I still had a good 40 minutes til I had to be at work, so an hour later after watching this ridiculous video three times (because why would¬†I need to watch the right one, just once…this is just my luck) one of his staff comes in and shows me the cartridge pen and explains everything the video said…redundant…but I get it’s protocol whatev. Then she says, well¬†I ordered the medication for you, so they should be calling you, and I’m done.

So, the pharmacy calls and gets my information and of course they call at 4:30pm (30 minutes after the¬†RE office closes)¬†even though the order was sent at 8 something that morning. And then he says well, they have you down for timed intercourse, and I’m like, that’s not what we want to do. We want to do an IUI because it makes more logical sense for our situation. So he says that he’ll call the doctor’s office, I tell him I will too, and then we hang up.*Honestly, he was the best person to handle the situation, he was super helpful, and he continues to be still* SO, I call the RE office, and of course leave a message because I know they’re closed. Simply stating that I spoke with the pharmacy, I want to proceed with the IUI not timed intercourse and that they’ll need to change it with the pharmacy. To call back with any questions. So they do, the next morning, which I know they would. And she says in Dr.’s notes he says that we’re going to do times intercourse first, I say that was our initial meeting, he was giving us in the information, that was TWELVE weeks ago. we didn’t discuss it at all yesterday when I was there. And she HAS THE NERVE to say yes we did, I said timed intercourse when I was showing you the pen. and I wanted to scream at her and say YOU ORDERED THE MEDICATION BEFORE YOU EVEN ENTERED THE ROOM, HOW IS THAT DISCUSSING IT? But, I didn’t. And se says well if I would have known that I would have ordered your meds somewhere else. And I’m like well if it’s cheaper to do that, then do that, and she says no, It’s fine. I was so LIVID after that phone call, I really like the Dr. Even though he’s a little intimidating, or maybe it’s the situation, but I REALLY don’t like his staff. They don’t have their shit together, and if there was another option close to me, I might reconsider. But, Dr. has a 99% success rate, so he must be doing something right. But he might want to think about a new staff.

But my main man A* at the pharmacy is a miracle worker, he’s already got my meds down $300 and he set me up with an assistance program, which I’m waiting to hear back from, I’m hoping and praying that we get approved for at least some assistance because it would really help, since the whole IUI is completely out of pocket for us.

So, we are back to the waiting game, which I think this whole process, and even pregnancy is all about waiting….Hopefully, aunt flow comes right on time, or even a few days early (as long as I have my meds) and we get to get started, because if we miss this cycle, we have to wait until the end of June. Or if we fail this cycle, same thing. MY husband’s schedule, is hectic, and I’m hoping and praying that this all works out. And I know in his hands, it will.

BUT, Normal life happenings, we broke down and traded in my husband’s truck for a newer truck a 2010 Ford F150, which is still a ridiculous buy. Trucks are NOT cheap, but so far we are in love with it! Yesterday was a total girls day since our husbands are away, I went and got 10.5 inches cut off that I’m planning to donate to locks of love, and then we went and got pedicures, and seen the longest ride which was a total tearjerker but also very good! Work has been good, and I think I’m finally becoming an ally instead of the outsider, which I’m honestly not sure is a good thing..but if it makes work easier, I will continue to be me, and just be hopeful they’re finally seeing me for the person I am and not their perception of me.

Xo, B

Preop day

Well, you have to love the uncoordinated chaos of scheduling.¬† The nurse at my doctors office didn’t tell me to ignore the call from the hospital about my appointment time. So I showed up at 7:30am for a 10:00am prescreening, which I thought was at 8am and then the doctors visit at 8:30am. But no, I needed to go to the doctor first, then prescreening. It ended up turning out just fine, minus the whole all up in my business ultrasound. I have my prescriptions to drop off at the pharmacy so I can pick them up tomorrow, and then we’re all set for Thursday. Well except I need antibacterial soap. But, either way, here we go. Preop is done, and I’m ready!

I can’t believe that tomorrow is April. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this forever. 12 weeks dragged on and then flew, I’m beyond ready, I can’t wait until my post op appointment (next Wednesday) to discuss our options and next steps! I’m really, really hoping that we can do the April cycle!

Although the other day, I realized that we have waited for this for so long. We have done so much toward this, wanting a baby, a family.. I’m not sure what I’m actually going to do when we are pregnant. I mean I know I’m going to be so so happy, so beyond overjoyed. It is everything we want but I don’t know what I’ll do with myself once we actually get pregnant. What do people do once they finally get their dream? Other than just bask in it? Because that’s what I want to do, just bask.

Xo, B

Thursday surgery doesn’t sound as great as Sunday funday

But on the contrary I’m beyond excited and ready for this step. My preop appointment is tomorrow at eight thirty, and I think I’m more nervous about that. And the results of the surgery, honestly that’s what I’m most nervous about. But, all I can do it just hang on and pray for good results. And then hopefully we can start our injections at the end of this month!

In other news, we are truck hunting, because my husbands current vehicle is a death trap and I definitely don’t want him driving or me riding in it. Its kind of crapping out at an inopportune moment to be honest, but when it happens it happens and there isn’t really much you can do to help it. So, we went all day Friday and Saturday and if I’m up to it on Saturday we might go again to south Carolina cause we are right on the border and check there and see if we can do any better!

That’s all for now,
Xo, b

27 days and counting

I’m so beyond ready, holy moly, we are in March and that makes me so dang happy. I’m just ticking the days off my calander, and it honestly is working out for me. I’m not too anxious, but I’m sure once it gets close I will be. I’m trying to decide when I should let my manager know I’m having surgery. I want to go ahead and put in for it, but I’m worried that once I do they’ll call and¬† give me a sooner day, which I’ll admit, would still be niiiiice. I’m still hoping, but I’m also resigned to April 2nd, so I guess I should just put in for the time to be off.

This stomach virus that is going around is crazy and insane. My husband and I ended up in the ER on Sunday night because he had a fever of 103′ and was vomiting. After four hours in the ER, two motrin, and a IV bag full of fluids minus a few vials of blood we were on our way home with orders to hydrate and alternate tylenol and motrin, it has been a long long week, but luckily my other half seems to finally be feeling a little better. I hope he’s back to normal before the weekend cause I’ve missed him terribly. There’s something to be said for missing someone who’s on the opposite end of the couch from you.

We were hoping to go to florida this weekend to see my daddy cause he’s a truck driver and he only comes home about every six weeks, and I may still be able to convince him to go but we’ll see how he feels tomorrow. I don’t want to push¬† him if he’s still feeling under the weather.

In the home stretch of this day and I’m ready to get out of here and enjoy the last few hours of this nice weather we’re having, because tomorrow it’s supposed to be nasty and cold!

twenty.seven.more.days.hallelujuah.

Xo,B